If you climb the social ladder, it only leads to an ivory tower.
That’s a very esoteric (vague) sentence. Allow me to explain.
Many members and authors of the self improvement community have rags to riches stories. The typical story goes something like:
“I was a shy, unattractive loser with no social skills. After getting sick of my miserable life, I decided to change. I read many books and put their recommendations into practice. Over a few years, I hit the gym and became attractive, gained lots of friends, got a new high-paying job, and became Bill Gates 2.0.”
Heck, my story is pretty similar to this. However, new challenges come with this shift in character and mindset. One such challenge is resisting the temptation to climb the social ladder.
The power and status that comes with becoming a better person naturally makes you want to associate with people of higher power and status. Your old friends get pushed to the sidelines. You’re more extroverted and outgoing, and you have to meet new people and include everyone—it becomes your mission.
This is dangerous.
Don’t ignore your friends for social status.
This article is about more than the social ladder.
This is a declaration that people and relationships matter for people and relationships, not for the social status you can gain from people and relationships.
Our relationships with others are some of the most precious things that we’ll ever have. This is because you matter, and others matter. Everyone has intrinsic value that cannot be denied or stolen—period. When you and I use others for our gain, we show that we don’t respect human dignity. That is deeply immoral.
Here’s the problem with climbing the social ladder: it ends in you ignoring the people you should care about most, your friends. To climb the social ladder, you have to flock to the people who have social status. You talk to the most popular person, and you hang out with the most popular group. Additionally, you might even talk to new people in the community often to “welcome” them (in reality, the motive is to get them to like you).
I’m not saying this is the only motive for reaching out to others or hanging out with new friend groups. I’m saying that you need to check your motives, and see if you resonate with this at all. If you do, change, and do it now.
Never spurn your friends for social status or anything else. Don’t abandon the people who love you most, or you might find yourself with no one to love.
Fight for healthy self perception.
If you’re consistently seeking to pursue social status, you’re really seeking to find approval and self worth through social status.
Of course, when you only perceive yourself as valuable when you have social status, you are basing your existence on social status. When that social status disappears, your self worth evaporates with it. Because social status is always temporary and fading, it cannot be a good foundation for healthy self worth.
As Solomon says, “everything is meaningless,” and social status is no different.
Fight against basing your self worth on things like social status. I’m not trying to become a preacher, but you need to find something with timeless value. I find that in Jesus Christ, and anyone else can as well. Focus on love, which lasts forever. Commit yourself to purposeful living. Make sure you don’t forget relationships, because people are important.
“Climb the social ladder” the right way.
The flip side of obsessively climbing the social ladder is only talking to your current friends and forgetting that other people exist. This habit is, in my experience, rooted in a sense of safety and comfort you receive from your friends.
Leaving that comfortability behind is difficult.
However, staying in comfort means stagnation, and this habit creates exclusive cliques. Everyone ends up worse off.
Both focusing on social status and never leaving your original friend group originate from fear and insecurity. As aforementioned, you want others to approve of you. However, if you want to grow, you need to fight insecurity.
Climb the social ladder the right way.
What I mean by this is: put real value in your relationships with others. When you meet someone new, talk to them because you’re genuinely interested in who they are. Be someone who loves other people, and refuse to use people for selfish ambitions.
If you do this, you will create authentic relationships, and you will become socially productive. Social productivity is about engaging with others in a healthy, effective way that is beneficial for everyone. It’s about more than one person’s reputation and well-being. To be socially productive and climb the social ladder the right way, treat your communities well.
All I want to say to myself right now is, “preach Brother Highsmith!” However, I’m not a preacher, so I won’t. Instead, I will recommend an organization I recently discovered called The Aspen Institute. I’m probably late to this particular gravy train, but they have awesome learning resources that you should check out. It’s not related to this article, but it’s still worthwhile.
QOTD: How often do you encourage others in your community? (P.S. I don’t do this enough…)
I want to add value to your life through MyronHighsmith.com. If you liked this and want more, follow me via. email to get posts like this one regularly.
